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Fic: I Write This Confession


Title: I Write This Confession
Fandom: Pride and Prejudice
Pairing: Darcy/Wickham
Rating: PG
Length: 426 words
Summary: A letter from Darcy to Wickham

Pemberley
 
George Wickham,
                                   
 
I write this confession not to obtain your forgiveness but as an attempt to find some solace within my tortured soul. Whether I will find the courage to send this, I know not, but I can no longer go on without admitting to these truths.
 
I have lied. Lied with such frequency and so beyond my character that I am now naught but shame and turmoil. I had believed myself to be always in control of my emotions and had even endeavoured to build a wall to protect my heart. Yet, it still does not remain untouched – by you.
 
With great pride I have foolishly believed that from our boyhood my feelings for you were not only plainly evident but returned with the same passion. Though, because my father was still living and with your respect for him and your need for his continued support, that you were unwilling to sully his good name and subsequently could not approach me within his lifetime.
 
I never meant to hurt you with my unthinking actions but my feelings for you are so strong that I could not prevent myself from reacting in such a negative fashion. I had hoped that upon my father’s death, with my inheritance and subsequent good financial standing that we would both reveal our true emotional connection towards the other and would leave for the continent to live together free from the scorn and judgement of modern society.
 
When it became evident soon after my father’s passing that you wished to be free of me with such urgency and that your feelings were so unlike my own, I felt myself to be betrayed and humiliated. And so I lashed out at you in any manner that I knew how, not realising that in doing so I lost any chance of making you love me or of having you by my side even in simple friendship. Reason was beyond me at that moment and I lost you forever.
 
There is no atonement for my sins now and there are no words of apology that I could possibly give you to soothe the pain that I have brought to your life and subsequently, to my own. Even if you never receive this letter I am, in some small way, uplifted once more to know that I have revealed these secrets that have haunted my daily life for so long.
 
That I have admitted in writing that my heart is and will forever be yours - George Wickham.
 
 
 
Forgive me my love,
 
Fitzwilliam Darcy.

Comments

Interesting. When do you imagine this letter to have been sent? That's a really strange way for me to put that. Do you think he's met Lizzie at this point or is it before that?

Also, kinda glad I'm not the only one thinking that, at times, and in certain adaptations, there's a bit of a slashy vibe between these two.
Thankyou again for your kind words.

I'm not entirely sure when it would have been sent. I think probably after he met Lizzie (had developed a small tendril for her) and then Wickham came onto the scene and Darcy was confounded once again by the strength of the love he still possessed for Wickham. I was going to include more paragraphs explaining that Darcy knew that Wickham was trying to rile him by paying his attentions to Elizabeth, whom he believed to be the object of Darcy's love but that it wasn't the reason Darcy was so upset with him. But I wasn't entirely sure how to word that.

I know what you mean about the slashiness. I cannot read/watch anything now without seeing the slash element and there is a really big one in P&P. If it was Darcy's love for Wickham that drove them apart instead of Wickham's greed it would be a completely different story.
Oh, amazing!
Very true to the style of writing and characters, beautiful!
Omg thankyou so much. I really tried to maintain the language but it wasn't easy - (I can still see several mistakes).

And here I was beginning to think no one visited the community.

Thankyou again.
I like this! I never in my life considered it, but...interesting! Well-written too, I can believe it coming from the same author who penned Elizabeth's Letter, and as Darcy has a canon history of thinking his intentions are clearer than they are...yeah. It kind of makes my heart break for Darcy--d00d needs to broadcast better. Oh! And when he hunts down Wickham and Lydia, and then is groomsman!!! :( Oh man, I'll bet he's regretting sending this letter, if he sends it, then! God! Wickham would totally blackmail him...
yikes. I kind of want you to re-write the whole novel from this angle.
^^
OMG. Thankyou so much! Although I've read P&P countless times I'm obsessed with the thought that there is more to Darcy & Wickham's relationship than is explained. I'm very interested in the idea that Darcy lied about the extect of Wickham & Georgiana - that there was another reason for his animosity towards Wickham.

I would love to rewrite the novel. But it would be a huge job & I'm not sure that I'd be up to it. I have read Darcy's Story though - which was quite intriguing. I've always wanted to know about Darcy's perspective in P&P.

If you're interested I've also written another oneshot (not connected with this fic) at Wickham's wedding to Lydia.
yes please Point me to it!
It's just another short Darcy/Wickham drabble (I wrote this first) hope you like it:

http://jadecastle6.livejournal.com/7643.html#cutid1