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This is a Picard/Q song that I have been meaning to finish for awhile (like a whole year while). I think I can finally put this to rest. This is obviously from Picard's POV - I am also trying to finish one from Q's POV. You've Tricked Me and Teased Me It might be right in front of your face But it's invisible It doesn't even faze you Because you are incapable Of seeing the mistakes that you are making Of feeling the emotions that you are now faking. 'Cause you have to be the centre of the damn universe And you don't know that you're making everything worse With your 'all knowing' smile and your arrogant grin Your stubborn mind and your need to always win. Oh you couldn't win my love With just a snap of your fingers But when push comes to shove I have to confess - your memory lingers. And in a flash I can't breathe You take my heart with you Oh and just like that I know I'm in love with you. Oh how did this happen? I thought I was safe I put up these walls And I pushed you away. But you kept returning You somehow broke through And now I feel this yearning And I don't know what to do. You've tricked me and teased me Changed the world just to please me And no matter how cold I can be I can never get free of you. But do I really want to? Tags: lyrics, picard/q
Current Mood:  satisfied
Current Music: Dance playlist Mysteriousgirl4 made for me - it's good
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Title: I Write This Confession Fandom: Pride and Prejudice Pairing: Darcy/Wickham Rating: PG Length: 426 words Summary: A letter from Darcy to Wickham Pemberley George Wickham, I write this confession not to obtain your forgiveness but as an attempt to find some solace within my tortured soul. Whether I will find the courage to send this, I know not, but I can no longer go on without admitting to these truths. I have lied. Lied with such frequency and so beyond my character that I am now naught but shame and turmoil. I had believed myself to be always in control of my emotions and had even endeavoured to build a wall to protect my heart. Yet, it still does not remain untouched – by you. With great pride I have foolishly believed that from our boyhood my feelings for you were not only plainly evident but returned with the same passion. Though, because my father was still living and with your respect for him and your need for his continued support, that you were unwilling to sully his good name and subsequently could not approach me within his lifetime. I never meant to hurt you with my unthinking actions but my feelings for you are so strong that I could not prevent myself from reacting in such a negative fashion. I had hoped that upon my father’s death, with my inheritance and subsequent good financial standing that we would both reveal our true emotional connection towards the other and would leave for the continent to live together free from the scorn and judgement of modern society. When it became evident soon after my father’s passing that you wished to be free of me with such urgency and that your feelings were so unlike my own, I felt myself to be betrayed and humiliated. And so I lashed out at you in any manner that I knew how, not realising that in doing so I lost any chance of making you love me or of having you by my side even in simple friendship. Reason was beyond me at that moment and I lost you forever. There is no atonement for my sins now and there are no words of apology that I could possibly give you to soothe the pain that I have brought to your life and subsequently, to my own. Even if you never receive this letter I am, in some small way, uplifted once more to know that I have revealed these secrets that have haunted my daily life for so long. That I have admitted in writing that my heart is and will forever be yours - George Wickham. Forgive me my love, Fitzwilliam Darcy. Tags: darcy/wickham, fic, i write this confession
Current Location: My computer
Current Mood:  bored
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I have something to hide something to hide from Have I become part of my own secrets? When? When did everything change? to become this? to become evrything and nothing? Why did it take so long to notice? I have lost myself in my own shadows Searching for the way out, for the light lost lost in my own dark pleasure, my own misery I cannot help but feel Why does this pain feel so good? So real, so alive So powerful Maybe I have forgotten how to really feel Maybe this pain is all I have left The last remnant of what once was of what could have been Do I surrender to this? Or have I surrendered already? Tags: original, poetry
Current Location: Hell
Current Mood:  annoyed
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I Have Failed Again
I just want to give up
Admit that I have failed again
I want to fess-up
That I'm the one who let this happen.
When it all just seems to go wrong
And it's somehow my fault anyway
I can't pretend to be that strong
When I can't even make it through the day.
Oh, why does it have to be me?
Who always has their world crashing down-around
Oh, why can't fate just let me be?
I hide my heart where it can't be found.
Oh, can't this happen to someone else?
Why is it my life that has to take the hit?
Oh, why do I do this to myself?
And why do I always put up with it?
I'm just waiting for the sky to fall
Hear the door slam on my ex-best friend
And now that I have lost it all
I'm here alone waiting for the end -
Of a life that's become just another disaster
Now no more lies and no more laughter
And now no more reason to exist
And now another piece of me that I'll miss.
Oh, why does it have to be me?
Who always has their world crashing down-around
Oh, why can't fate just let me be?
I hide my heart where it can't be found.
Oh, can't this happen to someone else?
Why is it my life that has to take the hit?
Oh, why do I do this to myself?
And why do I always put up with it?
Tags: i have failed again, lyrics, original
Current Mood:  sleepy
Current Music: none (ipod is broken!!!!)
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This is yet another song inspired by my sister who I dearly hate love. You have to admit though - she's a great inspiration. Do I Have To Be The One? Why is it always left to me Every single time? Why does it always have to be A constant weight upon my mind? Do I have to be the one? Do I have to save the day? Everytime - You just walk away. Oh, I've sacrificed my heart I've thrown away the key Just to be someone - that I don't want to be. Oh, when is it my turn? When can I take a risk? Oh, when is it my turn - To break free of this? Do I have to be the one? Do I have to save the day? Everytime - oh, everytime - You just walk away. There's got to be more to this life Then being your anchor Being the one you turn to Then being your saviour. I can't be this cold inside No, I can't do this anymore I need you to be on my side I need something else to live for. Do I have to be the one? Do I have to save the day? Everytime - You just run away. Do I have to be the one? Do I have to save the day? Everytime - oh, everytime - You just run away. Do I have to be the one? Do I have to save the day? Tags: do i have to be the one?, lyrics, original
Current Mood:  hopeful
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It happened again, I didn't intend to write this - but for some reason it just came out. The inspiration for this was ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kipli 's absolutely beautiful story "His Schoolboy Crush". And it's obviously JD's POV. Figured It Out You use your words to hurt me But I see the look in your eyes When you think I don't notice So I know they're all just lies - You use to protect yourself from the world outside To save your heart and your God damn pride So you built this hole, just some place to hide From the feelings you have - inside. But I know how you feel now I've finally figured it out Why you've tormented me forever What this has all been about. You're so in love with me That you've got this all backwards You yell, and scream, and tease me Instead of saying one word. But it's even worse for me Because I feel the same But I'm too afraid to confront you When you can't even say my name. So, we're here in denial Pretending that this doesn't exist And, you live your life with her When I'm the one you want to kiss. But I know how you feel now I've finally figured it out Why you've tormented me forever What this has all been about. You're so in love with me That you've got this all backwards You yell, and scream, and tease me Instead of saying one word. Tags: figured it out, jd/cox, lyrics
Current Mood:  artistic
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Ok, so I didn't expect it to happen but I wrote a Darcy/Wickham song (a little something to go with my very short fic). Anyway, I quite enjoyed writting it and I really like this one (although, admittedly "pine" is the worst rhyme I've ever come up with). I hope you enjoy it. It's All My Fault I know why I had to push you away I know why You think that I have betrayed you. I know why My world is permanently grey I know why I couldn't make myself stay with you. It's all my fault For falling in love with you It's all my fault For not knowing what to do. It's all my fault For all the pain that I put you through It's all my fault Because I never knew... That it was you All this time Who stole my heart Oh, it's no longer mine Oh, how did I not See the signs? 'Cause it's for you Now that I pine. I know why I had to push you away I know why You think that I have betrayed you. I know why My world is permanently grey I know why I couldn't make myself stay with you. It's all my fault For falling in love with you It's all my fault For not knowing what to do. It's all my fault For all the pain that I put you through It's all my fault Because I never knew. It's all my fault For falling in love with you It's all my fault For not knowing what to do. It's all my fault For all the pain that I put you through It's all my fault Because I never knew. It's all my fault Because I never knew It's all my fault Because I never knew. Tags: darcy/wickham, it's all my fault, lyrics
Current Location: headache central
Current Mood: bored
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Ok. So I got angry/pissed again and wrote half of this song. I wasn't going to post it but then I vented again and had enough anger to complete the rest. Be warned that it is more graphic than I would have wanted for any other song but I'm very pissed off right now so I don't care. I just wantred this to come out as angry/crazy as I'm feeling (hope I don't hate it later - oh well).
Hypocrite
Oh, you're such a liar - you're such a hypocrite
How'd I not see this before - that you're so full of it?
Oh, you're a liar - a fucking hypocrite
How'd I not see that you're so full of it?
And, how do we stay with each other,
When you say one thing and do another?
When are you ever what you seem?
Tell me baby - is this just some sick twisted dream?
'Cause you make me hate you - hate you with a passion
Wanna scream the house down - but that never happens
You're the only one who can make me go insane
Oh, when will this shit ever change?
Oh, how can I hate you but love you but hate you
All at the same damn time?
Oh, how can I think that this is normal
When I'm obviously out of my mind?
And, how do I put up with this?
You - treating me like I don't exist
Unless it's something to do with you
Heaven forbid if it involves me too.
'Cause you make me hate you - hate you with a passion
Wanna scream the house down - but that never happens
You're the only one who can make me go insane
Oh, when will this shit ever change?
Oh, you're the liar, you're a fucking hypocrite
But now that I know that you're just so full of it
I'd watch my back if I were you
Oh baby - just wait 'til I get through with you. Tags: hypocrite, lyrics, original
Current Location: Migraine Central
Current Mood:  aggravated
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Yes, it happen again. I don't know what it is with me and a need to vent becoming inspiration for poetry/songs. I must have issues. Anywho, I think this is one of the most personal things I've ever written. What has become of me? Oh, what has become of me? Why am I not who I want to be? When did my dreams begin to fall? When did I stop to care at all? That this is my world come crashing down That my soul's nowhere to be found Oh, why can't I take any risks Oh, how did it ever come to this? When it's fine to be alone Never got out, just stay at home Become so unsure of everything So afraid of what life can bring. Oh, what has become of me? Why am I not who I want to be? When did my dreams begin to fall? When did I stop to care at all? And, you'll never understand what I've become Never ever thought that you'd be the one To make me want to stay the way I am Oh, when did my life become this sham? Now I lie to myself everyday Pretending that this will be okay But I know that it's not the truth If I never try - then what's the use (of it all)? Oh, what has become of me? Why am I not who I want to be? When did my dreams begin to fall? When did I stop to care at all? - at all? At all? At all? At all? At all? If I never try, never try Then what's the use - of it all? Oh, what's the use of it all? Oh, what has become of me? Why am I not who I want to be? When did my dreams begin to fall? When did I stop to care at all? - at all? Tags: lyrics, original, what has become of me?
Current Mood: sleepy
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Ok. So I was emailing ladylarabee again, telling her that I wanted to write another Johnny/Walt song eventually but didn't know about what, when I came up with a wicked idea (ironic, or what?). I really wanted to do a Walt POV one and I wanted to write one about his secret infatuation for Johnny (I swear I don't ever want to write a happy song - torture is just way to easy, and fun) that Sarah knows absolutely nothing about. I really liked the idea that because Walt is such a traditional, up-standing man that he wouldn't leave Sarah becuase of these feelings, or even tell her them (for obvious twisted reasons - aren't they the funnest?). The idea that "she doesn't know" just jumped out at me and I love it. If you can believe it, there was only supposed to be one chorus but I liked each one I wrote so much that I went unconventional and I included them all (but I think it still works, and hopefully flows successfully). Again, if you really wanted to read it that way - it can also be read as a Johnny POV song. Anyway, I like it. Dedicated to ladylarabee again because if feedback is love, then inspiration from feedback is a chocolate cupcake, with chocolate icing, and chocolate sprinkles on top! She Doesn't Know I've tried and tried to remember when this feeling started When my chest would ache, whenever we were parted It's when first I realised that my heart was chained to you But if I'm with her, then what - what can I do? She doesn't know - that you're the reason for my lies She doesn't know - that it's of you that I fantasize She doesn't know - what you mean to my life She doesn't know - Oh, She doesn't know. I hate that she's the reason why you met me And, that with all my heartache - you still can't see You're the only thing in this world worth fighting for And, even with all this pain - I can't help to want more (of you). She doesn't know - that it's you in my dreams at night She doesn't know - that in my heart this feels right She doesn't know - it's because of you that we fight She doesn't know - Oh, She doesn't know. But it's when I'm with you - I don't know how to say You mean everything - when you just turn away Oh, you have no idea how real this is to me But I'm with her and I can't get myself free - no. She doesn't know - that you're the one I think about She doesn't know - that of this love I have no doubt She doesn't know - that you're the one I can't live without She doesn't know - Oh, She doesn't know. Tags: johnny/walt, lyrics, she doesn't know, the dead zone
Current Mood:  new shoes (need I say more?)
Current Music: None (OMG I'm not listening to my iPod! - has the world come to an end?)
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Ok. So I've decided to write a fic of Johnny/Walt from The Dead Zone. I think it's because there are so few Dead Zone fics out there that I am a little less intimidated to be actually able to write something without feeling like it's going to become lost in the mass of fic. I really just want to see if I'm able to do it with even just a small amount of success. Anyway, becuase I am the weirdest person when it comes to being inspired to write it should come to no surprise that my obsessing over my fic that I became inspired into writing a Johnny POV song. I just think it would be hilarious if Johnny fell so madly in love with Walt that even being psychic he 'didn't see it coming' - come on, how can that not be funny? It's very conventional but I don't care (I think it's cute). If you wanted to - you could also read it as a Walt POV song as well. Dedicated to ladylarabee because feedback is love. See This coming I just see your face and I stop breathing I die inside when I know you're leaving And I dream every night of your touch Oh, when did this start to hurt so much? And, how did I not see this coming? When you just call and I come running Oh, when did you become the one I live for, die for But I want more More of your laugh, your lips, your easy smile To forget the world and to just stay a while (More of) your heart, your strength, your every tear Oh, what I would give to just have you here - with me But I must have gone insane 'Cause I can't risk this heart again With everything she put me through I'm not sure I'm up to loving you And, how did I not see this coming? When you just call and I come running Oh, when did you become the one I live for, die for But I want more More of your laugh, your lips, your easy smile To forget the world and to just stay a while (More of) your heart, your strength, your every tear Oh, what I would give to just have you here - with me I hate myself for how much I need this For just how much how much I yearn for your kiss But if you'll never never know Then why can't I let this go? And, how did I not see this coming? When you just call and I come running Oh, when did you become the one I live for, die for But I want more More of your laugh, your lips, your easy smile To forget the world and to just stay a while (More of) your heart, your strength, your every tear Oh, what I would give to just have you here - with me Tags: johnny/walt, lyrics, see this coming, the dead zone
Current Mood:  hungry
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Ok. I was doing some serious spring cleaning when I stumbled across this song. I wrote this about 5 or 6 years ago and I'm pretty sure this is the first song I ever wrote. I really think this reflects just how young and naive I was at the time (it's a some-what happy song!). This is word for word what I wrote: Opened Eyes Is this a dream All the love that I feel, Locked up inside me Wishing this were real? I open my eyes And what do I see? All the love in the world, Just staring back at me. And when we kiss My heart is aflame, And I know in your heart You must feel the same. Two worlds ignite, With passion and fire. Nothing else Can equal this desire... For the look in your eyes, For the kiss from your lips, The touch of your heart Feels like this... An explosion of love, The beginning of time When all that I knew Was that you were mine. My heart is yours, You have the key To protect all the love I hold inside of me. This is my fate Always and forever, To love beyond words Forever and ever. Tags: lyrics, opened eyes, original
Current Mood:  awake
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OK. So after what seems like forever I am finally posting this song. yay. I finally found some time to record this with my other song A Second Thought (even though it meant that I had to miss out on some precious sleep and almost losing my voice with all the singing). I wish I could mess around with it with my various fun music makers but unfortunately I don't have the time considering I have University crap to do. woohoo.
Anywho. This is an attempt at a House point of view (definitely not easy to do). I can officially say that it's going to be awhile before I do it again (I don't know why but writing about a tortured Wilson is so much easier and funner to do).
Here In The Shadows
Why am I so afraid of loving you?
Of filling a void inside - that I don't want to
Why am I so afraid that this will end
If I told you the truth - could we still be friends?
'Cause - we could be much more than what we are
Could conqure the world and travel the stars
We could be more than I'd ever believed
So, why this feeling, this urge to leave?
But it's here in the shadows, where I hide
My only defence - is to criticise
Every little thing that you do
Oh, why do I - do this to you?
Am I out of my mind, every single damn time
I avoid your gaze, the concern on your face
I should have known that I'd end up alone
Is this what I've done? What have I done?
I ignore your voice, whenever there's a choice
I meet your eyes, to just create more lies
I should have known that I'd end up alone
What have I done? What have I become?
But it's here in the shadows, where I hide
My only defence - is to criticise
Every little thing that you do
Oh, why do I - do this to you?
Here in the shadows - I hide
Where I contemplate suicide
To put an end to all of this pain
But could I lose you again?
Here in the shadows - I hide
My only defence - is to criticise
Every single damn thing you do
Oh, why do I - do this to you?
Linky:
Here In The Shadows
I'm actually thinking about doing a House/Wilson fan mix. I've been listening to my iPod a lot lately (no news there) and I've noted done some of my songs that I think would be great. But I'm finding that my choices way more conventional than most of the mixes out there. I'm just not sure if anyone but me would like it. Oh well, if it doesn't work out I'll have a great H/W playlist for my iPod. Tags: here in the shadows, house/wilson, lyrics
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: Kelly Clarkson - Never Again
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I have no idea why my stuff is getting more and more personal, it's probably just a way to release my inner demons (of which I have many). anywho.
A Second Thought
Everytime you hear my voice
Is what comes out - just white noise?
Oh, how well you can play your part
But you will never ever know my heart.
'Cause you don't understand me at all
And, you don't care when I fall
Oh, what is this you've put me through?
Can I mean nothing - nothing to you?
I try and I try to speak the truth
But I stop - knowing that it's of no use
You don't even know who I am
Do you even give a damn? Do you?
My world has been re-arranged
I look the same - but I have changed
I smile and I say no more
As I watch you walk out the door.
I couldn't stand your rejection
Because of all my imperfections
I was too afraid to reveal myself
But all I wanted was your help.
I tried and I tried to speak the truth
But I stopped - knowing that it's of no use
You don't even know who I am
Do you even give a damn? Do you?
And, you can be so damn selfish
How can you not even know this?
Am I just some disease you've caught?
So, don't spare me a second thought.
And, I don't know when I stopped to cry
Probably - when I stopped to try
To change how you see me
Is that when I set us free?
I tried to speak the truth
But I stopped - I know it's of no use
You'll never know who I am
So, why do I give a damn - at all?
Linky to me singing it:
A Second Thought Tags: a second thought, lyrics, original
Current Mood:  dorky
Current Music: Jamelia - Beware of the Dog
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Ok. So it happened again. I got upset and needed to vent and wrote another poem (I have weird ways of being inspired). But I have to say it definitely feels better to get inspired this way than by when I am about to fall asleep exhausted and get "struck" and force myself to stay awake and write it down knowing I'll forget it when I wake up. I was really upset and surprisingly I actually felt better after I wrote this. It seems I'm getting more and more personal in my writing style. (I was thinking this could also be read as kinda House/Wilson - if House had died or if they stopped being friends completely). Goodbye I didn't realise how much I loved you, until I lost you. I didn't realise how happy you made me, Or how much you completed me, Until you left. What a way to learn the truth, To discover your meaning in my life Only after you are gone from it Forever. I wish I had known this before I wish I could have shown you everyday How much I needed you, How much I loved you. With all the time that has passed from that day I still cannot think of you without Feelings of frustration, of anger, of despair Without tears of love for you. I know I will never love that way Ever again And I hate myself for holding onto The pain that is my last memory of you. Will I be forever haunted by you? By this overwhelming ache in my chest, in my heart. Will I ever be able to remember you again And just smile, instead of silently screaming inside. I wish I had a chance to Say goodbye. I hope that you knew how much I loved you. How I will always love you. I won't tell you how much I cried while I wrote this, but I really think it was worth it. I needed this to help me let go a little and I think that it helped me to do that. I am quietly proud of myself for being able to write this. Ps. Hopefully I will get around to recording my 2 songs soon. I'm really self-conscious about my singing so I can't record them until I am alone but I have been swamped with family, work and university for the past few weeks. I'll see how I go in the next couple of days though. Tags: goodbye, original, poetry
Current Location: Coldsville
Current Mood: sore
Current Music: Whatever the hell it is I can't get out of my head
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This is posted with thanks to onceforluck. I was trying to come up with an idea for a poem to enter to my University's poetry comp. when one of her questions struck me with this idea - of being ignored (for once I decided to write something that was purposefully personal). I actually wrote a song first, will post that later, (but it's a poetry competition, not a song competition) so I didn't expect to then come up with this as well - just for those who'll wonder why they are similar. This is from a more personal aspect than I am used to writing - probably because I was angry at my family at the time and I wanted to vent. This is the result: Did Not Notice I speak and speak But do you even listen? My heart keeps screaming for help And you don't want to hear. I am lost within myself Surrounded by things that mean nothing Wanting to be seen Hoping to be heard. I cry at night without a sound I do not scream with my pain I try so hard not to let it show I pretend I am fine with this. I hate you for your selfishness I'm so ashamed of my own fears Afraid of being open, rejected, analysed, criticised Afraid you will not understand this, or me. You stand there without noticing the walls I want you to know all of me I keep parts of myself hidden from your view I want to tell you, but you won't listen. I am dying slowly inside Soon I will shatter into pieces around you, without you All I wanted was your help, your support, your trust, your love But you did not notice. Tags: did not notice, original, poetry
Current Mood:  blank
Current Music: Rihanna - Rehab
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From onceforluck1. Leave me a comment saying anything random, like your favorite lyric to your current favorite song. Or your favorite kind of sandwich. Something random. Whatever you like.
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and offer to ask someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be asked, you will ask them five questions. 1) What would you consider to be your biggest pet peeve?
I would have to say being ignored. Of course I mean in the obvious way but I hate being ignored with the little things as well. Like when I am in a group of people and I am trying to say something and no one lets me or notices. Or when I'm serving a customer at work and they barely acknowledge my existence, like I'm some sort of peasant. Or when my opinion or feelings aren't even considered - especially when it comes to my friends and family. 2) What attracted you to the House/Wilson pairing? What keeps you in the fandom?OK. So I was bored (after 4 years I think I have read every Kirk/Spock, Picard/Q, Chakotay/Paris fic available online) and I was looking for some other slash to read. House was one of my favourite tv shows at the time (I saw every episode from the beginning and have season one and two on dvd). I saw some H/W fic on a rec site that I regularly visit and I thought it would be fun, a quick laugh. I never expected to get hooked (then again, I never meant to get hooked on slash in the first place - but it's been four and a half YEARS!). The stories were really good and they captured the show, the characters and the H/W relationship so well that I couldn't stop there - so I raided the internet. I think that it was the fantastic characterisation, the twisted friendship (I love friendship slash!!!) and the fact that I was already addicted to the show that really drew me in. H/W is directly opposite to K/S - which is refreshing. I like how they're not completely functional and the fact that they're best friends. I love the idea of best friends falling in love (it's now an official fantasy of mine). I'm not actually sure what keeps me here (I think the show's gone downhill a little). It must be that inspite of the rocky third season everyone still manages to find interesting aspects of the show and write great fic and create beautiful art. Ummmm. I suppose that answers that? 3) What do you think happens after death? If anything?I'm sitting here just blank right now. I have absolutely no idea, but I do hope there is something. I would hate to think that this was just it. I'm not religious so I'm not in for the whole heaven and hell thing - but I'm hoping I'm not wrong. I'm not sure about the whole reincarnation thing either. 4) What's your favourite junk food?
I have to pick just one?!? Ummmmm. At the moment it's chocolate cupcakes smothered in choc icing and sprinkled with choc bits. Did I mention that I liked chocolate? 5) What makes your day?
Several things: being warm (it's freezing here), having no migraines (get them often), getting enough sleep (that's just a given), finding something great online that's H/W (sigh) and maybe someone commenting on my lj. Wow. These were definitely some very good, interesting and difficult questions. I hope these answers help you to get to know me a little better (and I hope that I can come up with some good ones like these if anyone responds). Tags: 5 questions
Current Location: migraine city (believe me it's a place)
Current Mood:  cold
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I think that this is the best thing that I've ever written (even though I actually completed it in under 24 hours). If you've read/heard my other stuff I think that you'll see it as an indication that I am evolving as both a song/poetry writer. It was so weird when I got the idea - I had been trying so hard to become 'inspired' into creating another House/Wilson song for over a week and just when I was about to fall alseep for a nice 6 hours I was suddenly struck with this. I have no idea where exactly the idea came from but I was thinking about Wilson being in love with House and how - with everything it all boiled down to the fact that the most prominant emotion that Wilson would be left with would be hate (hate for himself, at House, at the World, at his situation). Because he can't leave, he can't ruin the only friendship that has ever worked for him and he can't do anything about it and yet it's snap bang in his face everyday. (Why is it that I can't help but smile at that?:) I swear - I absolutely love all the torture of unrequited love more than I do about a love story itself. It's almost pathological). I Hate... I hate the need for all these lies I hate the blue - blue of your eyes I hate the pain you've put me through And, I hate the feelings I have for you. I hate that I see you everyday I hate the words that I just can't say I hate that I'm surrounded by these walls of glass And, I hate that I - fell so fast - for you. I hate everytime we almost touch And, I hate that I hate - this so much I hate that you still haven't figured this out And, I hate that I can't live without you - my love. I hate everytime I watch you sleep I hate that I can't take the leap I hate when you don't ask me to stay And, I hate, that for this - for this I know I'll pay. I hate that to me, you can be so cold I hate that I don't have you to hold I hate the parts of me that you just take And, I hate that my heart still won't break. I hate everytime we almost touch And, I hate that I hate - this so much I hate that you still haven't figured this out And, I hate that I can't live without you - my love. I hate that to me, you can be so cold I hate that I don't have you to hold I hate the parts of me that you just take And, I hate that my heart still won't break. I hate everytime we almost touch And, I hate that I hate - this so much I hate that you still haven't figured this out And, I hate that I can't live without you - my love. Linky to me singing it: I Hate
Tags: house/wilson, i hate, lyrics
Current Music: Rihanna - Breakin' Dishes (have you heard this? it's good)
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This is my first ever House/Wilson song! I actually wrote this about a month ago but I didn't have a livejournal account at the time so I couldn't post it (it's why I created one :). It was because I wrote my second one (I will post it soon) that I felt the need for feedback from those who will understand these songs on the level that they were written for (it's one thing to have someone read it as a love song, another as a slash song, but this is and will always be a House/Wilson song and should be read as such). It was really weird -this song sort of came out of nowhere and I was completely surprised at how easily it was written (my other songs took soooo much longer to write). This is from Wilson's POV.
Painful I see the pain you're going through
And I know that she's done this to you
But I'm not sure as to what to say
You've been broken in so many ways. And, I know what it's like to have that ache
Waiting any second for your heart to break
Yet still - puting a smile upon my face
Because loving you is my mistake. Yet, I know you know that I'm alive
But you don't know how I'm willing to die
Or risk everything that has survived this
For you - (my love). With all my work to endure loves' fall
You unknowingly go and destroy it all
With a smile, a laugh, with just one glance
My heart never stood a chance - (with you). And with every second I am filled with pain
Hoping any moment you'll feel the same
But my heart wouldn't survive losing even this
So I'd never ever take the risk - (of losing you). You'd understand the need for my desguise
If you could just see through my eyes
You'd know everytime I'm by your side
Just how hard it is not to hide - (my love). I hate the person that I've become
I pray that you'll never find someone
To heal your wounded soul, your broken heart
Or my world of lies will fall apart - (without you). With all my work to endure loves' fall You unknowingly go and destroy it all With a smile, a laugh, with just one glance With you my heart never stood a chance - (at all). Here is the link to me singing it: PainfulTags: house/wilson, lyrics, painful
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: onceforluck - So Blind (this is my new fav. song)
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This song actually began when I heard the phrase "devil in desguise" (probably from the elvis song?) - I really liked the alliteration and I wanted to expand on it. I think after writing about love so much (and listening to Pride and Prejudice for like the seventh time on my iPod) I wanted to branch out and do something that was more fun but with a decidely darker (even uncaring) edge. That's why it isn't K/S - I wasn't thinking about them when I was writing it - I was thinking about what I would do and be like if I was a "Bad Girl" - and how much fun/evil I could have. (for this to be sung I would probably sing the entire thing twice).
Hell On Earth
I'm an angel in your eyes But I'm the devil in desguise I'm the one you lean to. I'm the one they all despise Yet you still believe my lies And you think I need you. But I am not what I appear I am what you should really fear Even when you're dreaming. So when heaven comes crashing down I'll be nowhere to be found When you wake up screaming. Even when we are apart I'll be the leech upon your heart I'll be the one who bleeds you. And you think that you're so smart Just wait 'til this hell starts But I'll be the one who lives through.
Link to me singing this: Tags: hell on earth, lyrics, original
Current Mood: grumpy
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This is the second song that I wrote as Kirk/Spock. I really enjoyed writing Free Me From Myself so I wanted to write another but I wanted to do something that focused more on hatred/anger rather than the obvious angle of love.
Burn (dedicated to Di for helping to inspire me) I sit here watching and waiting for something, for nothing and I end up just hating myself for it. So now it's your turn I wont wait much longer I stare and I yearn for the heat from your lips. My soul is a-fire as my pulse rate climbs higher and I know the desire to be free (of this). So, I want you to burn explode on the inside I wanted you to learn it from my kiss. To know how I feel as it flared up around us to know it was real to me (at least). But you tore out my heart and crushed it in your fist as my world fell apart when I saw what you did. And you still don't know but I saw you with her so I don't let show the pain I felt. And so, I know that you burn every second you're without me becuase you never learned the truth. Although this is definitely an anonymous Spock song I still love the different levels it has. I wanted a different take on his going to Gol (a better reason than the whole logic crap). I wanted it to appear to the reader that Spock left because Kirk was unfaithful, but I just love to give the wrong impression. After reading I want to give an explanation - that Spock was so violently in love (gotta stop reading Pride & Prejudice) that he was actually going to confess to Kirk and actually reveal his emotions by kissing him, when he saw him with another woman (doing what is up to you) and that he - got jealous, thought about it 'logically' and broke his own heart. Obviously he would want to get as fast, and as far, away from Kirk as possible and as a Vulcan would want to purge those emotions that caused him to feel pain. I want the reader (after the explanation) to go through the song again and actually discover the reality that Kirk was never actually unfaithful (because they were never together) and that he subsequently bacame lonely and abandoned (most importantly - without knowing why) by his best friend through no actual fault of his own (other than the whole man-whore thingy). I just love the vindictiveness of it - that Spock actually wanted Kirk to suffer!!! I also love that burn/fire can be interpreted in so many different ways depending on which perspective that you are reading it from.
Link to me singing this:
Burn Tags: burn, kirk/spock, lyrics, star trek
Current Mood: cranky
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This is the first song I wrote as Kirk/Spock. I've tried to write songs in the past but I never put in enough effort (probably because it was too difficult). But I was feeling very creative and I wanted to do something more difficult and challenging and I liked the idea of writing a song.
Free Me From Myself Go, go run away again Go face the world alone (you always do) But for everything you've learned There is one thing you should know. That, I couldn't wait forever Dreaming of your kiss That, I can't spend a lifetime With my heart caged up like this. I had to be free of you I'm burning up from the inside If I don't go now I'll die alone by your side. Oh please, save me, save me Set me free How can I let go of us If this wont let go of me? And, you will never know Just how hard it was not to stay I'd have given anything But been tortured everyday. And, no one knows exactly What you mean to me Of where my heart belongs Of what could never be. So, I stand here without you With just the memory of your eyes Living my life without you I try to push through the lies. Please, save me, save me Set me free I can't let go of us If you wont let go of me.
You have no idea how difficult it was to switch from writing poems to writing a song, but I had this floating around my head and I'm glad I went with it. I have to confess that I did not start this song with the usual ambiguity seen in my previous poems, it actually started as a Spock song. I thankfully changed that when I really delved into the the meaning of it. When I read it I see it being sent to Jim when Spock is on his way to Gol, and in the same context, sent to Spock when Jim is on his way to his wedding to Lori. I have to say I just love the idea of sending what is basically a love song to someone when you have chosen to give up on that love.
Link to me singing this:
Free Me From Myself
Tags: free me from myself, kirk/spock, lyrics, star trek
Current Mood: bitchy
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This is the third poem that I wrote as Kirk/Spock. I was really focused on exploring the moment that you realise that you are in love.
The Moment It was the briefest of all instances A simple, yet finite, moment in time Where hearts are captured without thought or forgiveness The exact moment you caught and shattered mine. It was a moment born of innocent error Yet fate had begun her cruel design I had tripped and fallen beside you And you had outstretched your hand for mine. I had intented to simply stand unassisted But electricity, the moment our hands connected That my entire being melted into pure energy Was the last thing my soul had expected. With shock I looked up to see your reaction Yet, in your eyes, all I saw was your smile I do not know if my face betrayed my emotions As my world was ablaze all the while. It was in that moment that I first realised From the depths of these feelings, that it was true When I understood this unanticipated response to your touch That I was overwhelmingly in love with you. That moment then became my heaven My heart and soul were but pure bliss I would not have ever believed that One mere thought could oblitorate this. A thought filled with such loneliness and fear Of the terrible void that would be seen in your eyes Of never again having you near Of becoming the one from which you hide. So forever, it will be defined as the moment That I would have killed just for your kiss The moment that I destroyed my own heart for you The moment I decided for it to stay like this. Tags: kirk/spock, poetry, star trek, the moment
Current Mood: grumpy
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This is the second poem I wrote as Kirk/Spock. With my last poem being dark and exploring the more negative side of love I wanted to create something that had a lighter aspect to it. Untitled The world I so clearly defined as my own is now completely yours. The heart that once fueled my life now beats solely for you.
You breathe and I live another second.
You speak and I hear music from your lips. You glance my way and I can see the entire universe in that brief instance. My body tingles in anticipation for your kiss. My soul sings with every simple touch. I live for your smile alone.
I know if you should leave tomorrow,
I would surely perish the very second
that I am without you. Tags: kirk/spock, poetry, star trek, untitled
Current Location: Hell (but it's frozen over)
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Thirsty Merc - 20 Good Reasons
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This is the first poem I created for K/S - I felt the need to express and this is what came out. But I didn't want to start off with something that was all warm and fuzzy, I like the idea of love being bad and good at the same time. Dying For You
With feelings invisible,
With words unsaid,
It grows inside,
Longing to be dead. For hands to stop shaking,
For the urge to cry,
For the heart that's over-beating,
For the mouth that's dry. For the world to start spinning,
For the ability to breathe,
For the stars to shine as brightly,
For the strength to leave. For the one who's unattainable,
Neither won, nor lost,
Never sought but wished for,
Wanted at any cost. But with feelings never shown,
With words remaining unsaid,
I stand alone without you,
Dying, dead.
As with anything that I create I try hard to accomplish it with as much originality as I can. With all my work (so far) created as K/S I am exploring their relationship with a fun sense of anonymity as to which character it is. I hope that I have achieved this goal, with anyone reading this or my other poems imagining that it could be either Kirk or Spock but never truly deciding which.
Tags: dying for you, kirk/spock, poetry, star trek
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Rihanna - Umbrella
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blah
sick
hot
anxious
bouncy
contemplative
giggly